So I have realized and observed that I have always had issues like being able to like follow

manuals and like steps of instructions. They have never been easy. So this is one of the

incidents that has happened. Actually pre post diagnosis like quite recently two years ago

when I was actually moving to Toronto. Then. There was something that happened and it

was completely me in my own space, so I was alone, so the impact wasn't so much, but a

lot of feelings and emotion kind of built up from that. So let's see what happens when I'm

actually reading a manual and getting something figured out. So. This is me trying to pack

my bags and it's almost like three or four days before I have to leave and take this like really

long journey to get to Toronto from India and I'm going to trying to figure out to reconfigure

or reset the lock, which I need to set my own password and change it from the default. One

and those things I have been trying to like feed the instructions and follow the instructions

where the instructions are very simple, four steps only. It's not rocket science at all. Yeah.

And I kept doing it. There were like 2 locks I was able to finish with one, but the other one

seemed to not at all work out for me. And I was like, why? What's wrong? What is

happening? Am I not reading anything correctly? Am I not doing something correctly and I

would instantly blame it to myself, starting to feel frustrated? Shameful, angry. Stupid as

well because I felt like if I'm going to go and say this to my brother, I'm unable to do this.

He'll instantly say that. What is wrong with you? You are not. You're not capable to do

something, to sign, to feel. Incompetent and those kinds of things to not be able to finish

such simple. Tasks. And I'm like, I can't do this. And he was like, give it to me. Let me figure

it out. And I realized that the lock itself was a little problematic on its end. It took him

longer itself to figure that out. Like there was something not working in it. But we resolved

that problem, but I realized that I instantly take it on myself and not on the thing being

problematic. Because I know that this task is challenging, so I feel like I might be at fault.

And that's where all this shame, frustration, and all of that kind of comes into play. And like

incompetency, which really takes a toll on me. But like, when I actually realized that, I think

I was reacting too much. But I think there's a lot of baggage around it for my reaction to be

that way. So now that I kind of retrospect and reflect and think about it as well, I was like,

it's OK that happened. It's fine. You were not at fault. But I know there are situations I can

be and I usually am also. So I started except it's fine that. Things that you can't do, I started

to look at the things that I can do. So that kind of changes my perspective to not feel angry

anymore at myself and shameful. So yeah, that's me trying to, like, do things in different

ways and navigate it for myself better. Let's move to next page for emotion.

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