So this incident happened a long time ago in school, but it still happens with me once in a

while here and there. I've read a lot of resources and also I've realized it happens with me is

that we tend to do a lot of sight reading. I tend to do a lot of that. I would memorize a lot of

of a lot of the spellings instead of learning to build them with sounds because I was never

able to like break down sounds and understand what's happening. So it was really

confusing for me. And form each sound to form a word with different letters. So instead I

would just memorize the spellings of it and I was not an I'm not a native English speaker

and I went to an English medium school, but I had the same issue across different

languages. It's not specific to English. But yeah, let's see how it looks like when it happens.

And this is one of the incidents of me looking at my own test paper and seeing what has

happened. So let's see what happens when I look at my test paper and we kind of see this

kind of problem coming up so. I think this is in one of the fifth standard of 6th standard like

6th grade. I do not remember the you can if you can see the paper. Everything looks great

and to written down nicely neat and everything and you can see the spellings of

circumstances. Investment is all written perfectly, there's no. error there But as soon as

you look at the smaller spellings like the spelling accept It. Is wrong and it's been marked

red. And then when when my mother looks at the paper and she's like, why, what is

happening? What happened? Why can you not write such an easy word and lose a mark

there or like lose? Marks in totality. So I was I was starting to feel what's happening. I I felt

quite stupid. I was like, I don't know what happened. I never understood what would

happen. I I was like, I forgot the spelling. I don't know. I couldn't distinguish the sounds and

felt quite shameful. I know this is. Quite crazy. I don't know how to even explain. Was very

embarrassing. Felt quite silly that how I'm able to write like difficult spellings, can't write

simple spellings and sometimes there were times that my mom would get really frustrated

by me and felt helpless as well and I would get beaten up also. Uh. In that situation, and I

would not know what to do, how to help myself felt very discouraged and confused with my

own capabilities in that age, and I I still feel quite insecure about my reading writing skills. I

keep feeling that I wish I knew that I could have helped myself better earlier. And

understood that why is this happening now? I totally get it and retrospection. That joining

sounds and understanding to read sounds were problematic. Didn't have strategies to

have learned it better, so adoption to like memorization was something that happened

naturally. And yeah, this was quite painful. I can understand. And you can also feel it that

you feel quite helpless. That's what I felt a lot. But feeling stupid. Dumb. Is something that

it's still there in me. It hasn't gone away so. Yeah, they are, like, really deep feelings that

tend to still come up and still these things happen with me. But this was one incident as a

child. I remember that happened very vaguely.

Let's move to next page for emotion.

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